[29 Jul 2006|11:13pm] if only I had something to say.. the only thing on my mind right now is FUCK you. I hate how the only friends I have, real friends, are ones that live miles away. (2) learned to fly.//take these broken wings.

[27 Jul 2006|06:45pm] you wont believe this.. but I just bought a plane ticket to london . I leave in about 2 weeks. haha shit man, shit. (3) learned to fly.//take these broken wings.

my letter to you [26 Jul 2006|02:47pm] I miss you so much everyday. I just wish I could see you more often . I know that you are busy all the time. I know that you dont have much time for ANYONE or ANYTHING. and I understand its just hard to understand that all the time. I try not to put too much stress on you about it but I know I do. and im sorry I do it just sucks sometimes you know? But i know that if you had a choice you would have enough time to see me and call me. But sometimes its hard to tell myself that and have that much confidence in it. I'm reading the best book right now. and I think im going to get my first job at splash! they start hiring in august and I put my application in and have been calling back so I hope that I get it. I'm going to go in sometime soon . I hope I get the job. maybe then when you come home you can come in with rustle and I will be working. on saturday night im going to go to a show with linnea. I love going to shows now I go a lot. I ususally have to beg someone to go with me or I just go alone. but I dont mind. I'm going to use my money that I have saved to buy a mac laptop. Because I dont have a computer anymore. I kind of like macs. I dont miss computers I just miss having my music. my ipod broke but I sent it in and they sent me a new one. but NONE of my music is on it, all of it is gone. I'm really lonely jess. I'm infatuated with this boy in a band. hes older. maybe your age. I dont think he even notices me. but he came and played at my birthday party. I really dont know what the point of this letter is but I guess I wanted to keep you up to date on the little things that I never get to tell you. in canada I kind of did somethingbad but I dont want tosay what. it was just really weird and I feel really weird about it. I miss you so much I wish you were here. ive been using my camera all the time! I cant wait to get my rolls back from the pictures i took in canada. basically this letter was just to tell you that I love you no matter what and I know I give you a hard time but its okay, I jsut love you. love dont forget. take these broken wings.

[06 Jul 2006|08:38pm] on my 16th birthday im getting a new livejournal. and I'm going to make it so you cant comment on any of the posts and that is that. take these broken wings.

[03 Jul 2006|07:23pm] who wants to hang out with me on july 13th, my birthday? I offically have no plans. take these broken wings.

[29 Jun 2006|11:37pm] I always fall in love with boys from a distance who talk to me for a few minutes and like to catch my eye. ones with beards and ones that drink coffee but I always feel so out of place, so I always leave without a goodbye or without anything solid to make sure I ever see them again. and I never do. and sometimes I wish they would see me leave and run after me and say wait I need to know your name. But instead they just sit and watch me while I draw trees in my notebook and they talk to me about small things like lines and the weather and I know that it could be so amazing if I wasnt such a kid and if I wasnt so scared and if I wasnt so broken. take these broken wings.

[29 Jun 2006|06:11pm] I realized this feeling. I feel very very broken by people. and very abused and scared and I feel very out of sorts and very sad. take these broken wings.

[23 Jun 2006|08:20pm] youve forgotten about me. take these broken wings.

[21 Jun 2006|04:06pm] I'm okay =) take these broken wings.

[18 Jun 2006|06:04pm] I'm turning into the most unreliable person ever. and I kind of like it better this way. take these broken wings.

[10 Jun 2006|07:57pm] I feel like I'm getting myself into quite a mess. take these broken wings.

[02 Jun 2006|11:50pm] Ive been so fascinated with the way your lips move and the way your eyes can see me. Ive been wondering about your veins and the blood that runs through them, and when pulled aside by you I feel nothing but your presence in the atmosphere. and its been nothing but you and me in this crazy world of forgetful faces and leering eyes. Ive been thinking about the way you whisper in my ear and how your stubble chin rests on my cheek. Ive been wondering about your lips and the way they sink into the beat of your mouth, your eyes, your face, your body. Ive been wondering about the rhythm of your body and the way its so perfectly matched. and then looking at myself; with chapped lips and eyes smeared with tears. arms with cuts and fingers with bitten off finger nails. Ive been looking for the rhythm of my body, and the unsteady beat it produces. so out of sync with myself, so out of sync with the world. but the scars will heal and the tears will fade and my lips will turn lush and red with time like the sunset you once told me about. and maybe then we can be together. I wrote that almost a year ago. weird. take these broken wings.

[02 Jun 2006|11:38pm] [ mood | peaceful ] you know how someone can say something so nice and comforting it makes you start crying? Thats what just happened to me. (1) learned to fly.//take these broken wings.

[31 May 2006|09:45pm] a lot of times I feel like crying. because I feel very very unfixable He was holding hands with another girl today. But I'm working on not caring. oh and it sucks to sign onto livejournal to read this written to you, from someone you thought would never ever leave "I knew even if I wanted to, I couldn't do enough to make you happy. I would never be enough, and even if I could be enough, I shouldn't have to be responsible for that. It's just too much pressure. And it's really not fair at all. You're a beautiful person. Shine through your sadness. You've got so much to live for. Stay happy and keep loving the way you do. I'll miss you, even if I wasn't around much." Things are so shitty right now. I'm already drownding but now I feel like Ive had tons of water poured ontop of me, pushing me down farther. where do I go from here. and really, I dont ask for anyone to give me happiness. I dont ask for much. Just for someone to be around when they say they will be. Actually I dont even ask for that. I just . I just wanted her to be there sometimes when she came into town. So that I could have something to look forward to. And I know she was busy a lot but I dont know, she lives on the same street as me. All I really wanted was a quick hello once in a while. Not even every time. thats all I really wanted. (1) learned to fly.//take these broken wings.

[29 May 2006|07:36pm] ( Read more... ) my pictures are getting a lot worse. kind of bummed about that. (1) learned to fly.//take these broken wings.

[28 May 2006|07:10pm] I'm so angry at the world. take these broken wings.

[15 May 2006|08:03pm] me and my older sister. (1) learned to fly.//take these broken wings.

[14 May 2006|04:19pm] [ mood | blank ] Yesterday at the bookstore I was looking for a new sketchbook, and there was a woman next to me looking for a new journal. She accidentally made a few journals fall down onto the ground, and looked at me with embarrassment. There were too few of them for me to get down and help her; she had them all picked up by the time I would have even gotten down there. But I wanted to say its okay Ive been there a hundred times. but I didnt. I dont know why. Later I went down to the creek to read (it was the most beautiful day) . There were tons of birds chirruping and a little girl eating an ice cream cone near by. A lady came up to me and started talking to me about religion. She was very condescending and said that I didnt understand anything. But honestly, I think that I understand more than she does. I think that I understand more than any grown up Ive ever met. they forget whats important . They dont know about trees and flowers and the sun and smiles on little girls and the way the wind feels on certain nights, and wishing on stars and everything else that actually means something. All they know is money and possessions and reputation and opinion and politics and war. I dont want to grow up. I dont want to forget. I have this song stuck in my head and its been there for days. I keep remembering just this one line that goes "its okay.. you dont have to be afraid". Everytime I realize what song its from again I feel like crying. ohhh rachel. take these broken wings.

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